Our Journey to El Dorado by M.F. Renée

Author:M.F. Renée [M.F. Renée]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: The Cultural Story-Weaver
Published: 2021-12-10T00:00:00+00:00

I Am Afraid

Things were escalating in Spain at an alarming rate. The COVID-19 numbers were increasing each day. At first, it was by the hundreds, then by the thousands. They strongly advised us not to go out, unless absolutely necessary, and to avoid hospitals, doctors’ offices, ERs . . . unless we were dying.

The past weeks had already been full of hospital visits. I had accompanied Habiba to all of her appointments and tests. These visits were in the same “Corona-infested” hospital, the same place where we had both been directly exposed to the virus the week before. It was the same place that was mentioned in all the Spanish newspapers. It was the same hospital that was “mishandling the virus,” the one whose data-collecting system had gone down, the one mixing patients—those sitting in ER already diagnosed with Coronavirus and those walking through the ER doors with strokes, broken bones, and heart palpitations. I didn’t want to go back there if I didn’t have to.

Yet, Arabic.

I was the only one. I was the only one who could directly speak to Habiba. I was the only one who could understand her, her story, her pain. I was the only one who could be a language bridge between her and the doctors. I felt such a heavy burden and responsibility to be there, to walk alongside her, to sit next to her in the chair—facing the doctors. Yet, I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to go back there if I didn’t have to.

I felt guilty saying it.

Was I fearful of getting the virus? Was I no longer willing to take risks, to step into the face of danger, to sacrifice my safety, to serve and love others in need?

Where was my faith?

I could hear the words of Jesus ringing in my ears, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (Mark 4:40 NIV)

Did I believe God was bigger than the Coronavirus, that He had the power to protect and shield me, that He was sovereign over my life and over the Coronavirus, that He was in control? Did I really believe, as John Piper said, “I was immortal until Christ’s work in me was finished?" Did I believe God was who He said He was, that He would keep His promises? Did I still believe in God?

My faith was shaken to the core.

In talking to friends and family, I heard the same message from all of them.

“You can’t go back into that hospital, risk your health and life, put you and your family in danger. Your family needs you more than your friend needs you.”

When I tried to explain that there was no one else who could help Habiba understand her story, no one else who could be a language bridge . . . they just didn’t understand.

I didn’t want to be selfish. I wanted to be self-less. I wanted to think about others more than myself. I wanted to serve those who were hurting and dying.

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